Written by Horng Yuan | Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash
With today’s modern technology, communication has never been better. Without much hassle, we can conveniently connect and communicate with people wherever they are and across the world, as long as the appropriate gadgets and Internet are accessible. Working remotely and meeting virtually have also become part and parcel of the new normal or culture in the workplace.
However, we need to be mindful and careful that we do not lose our human touch and forget how to communicate clearly with those standing right next to us. In particular, listening which is a crucial part of effective communication can become a lost art. Knowing how to listen effectively can bring us multiple benefits; it can strengthen personal and professional relationships, prevent communication breakdown, and boost career progression.
Listening
Listening is an essential skill for those who want to succeed in life and work. It involves hearing someone speak, processing what you are hearing, and demonstrating you understand the intent of the one who speaks.
According to Drollinger, Comer and Warrington, the three dimensions of listening are sensing, processing or evaluating, and responding. We sense when we hear the words and receive nonverbal signals such as facial expressions and body language. Processing or evaluating involves understanding what is meant, interpreting the implications, assessing the nonverbal cues, and remembering the message. Responding is about the listener sending verbal and nonverbal signals to the speaker that he or she is being heard. Meanwhile, Robbins and Hunsaker note that there are different types or levels of listening; they are passive listening, attentive listening, and active or empathetic listening. There is indeed a lot to learn about the art and skill of listening.
5 Practical Tips on Listening
It is not hard to be a good listener. You can consider using the following techniques in your face-to-face conversation with someone.
1. Give your undivided attention
Giving your full attention to the one speaking to you reflects how much you respect and value the person. Your other activities during a conversation show the other person just how important they are to you. When you give your undivided attention, you are more likely to understand fully what the other is saying; you will also encourage and uplift him or her and prevent misunderstanding and miscommunication. So, cease whatever else you are doing, turn off any form of distraction, and put away your phone. Simon Sinek has talked about putting away our phones when we are in conversations; you can watch one of his videos here. Stay in the present moment and listen attentively, avoid the temptation to mentally wander to some other things, and avoid formulating what you want to say next.
2. Make eye contact
In a previous post on how to be approachable, we have noted that people notice and connect with the eyes first. The eyes convey various emotions and send out many messages. Good eye contact reflects you are paying attention and staying focused on the conversation and the one talking to you. Failure to do so implies lack of respect, interest, empathy, and understanding. To maintain eye contact, simply focus on the person’s eyes. Of course, you can always look away momentarily from time to time to avoid the impression as though you are staring at the person. But remember to bring your focus back quickly to stay in the conversation and that you do not get distracted and carried away by other things.
3. Avoid interrupting
Admit it, we are easily tempted to come up with comments, opinions, or solutions even before the other party has finished talking. Note that you can come across as rude when you jump in and interrupt the conversation. Therefore, it is advisable that you keep quiet, let the other finish expressing himself or herself, and wait for your turn to talk. Also bear in mind that many times, people are just looking for a channel to vent their issues or frustration off their chest. They do not need your comments or opinions. They will appreciate if you could let them finish what they want to share and release their stress. Saying nothing is the best way to help them feel better.
4. Ask questions
Questions can form as you listen, process information, and allow your understanding and thoughts to develop. If you have doubts or are uncertain about the things said, ask questions. Do not play the mentalist and attempt to read the mind of the other person. You seek clarity and avoid assumptions and misunderstanding when you ask appropriate questions. It also shows you have been listening intently, paying attention, and trying to understand the other’s perspective.
5. Summarise what you just heard when they stop talking
Summarising the conversation is a good practice because it shows that you have been listening, and it helps you clarify the meaning of the conversation. Do allow space for the other person to agree with your summary and make necessary changes when needed. This will help you develop better perspective, thoughts, or further questions that you may have.
Conclusion
Be attentive and intentional in listening. The person you talked to will more likely remember how you made them feel rather than everything you said to them during the conversation. Your good listening skill plays an important role in uplifting the speaker, making him or her feel good and at ease with you, and strengthening relationships. It will also help build good rapport with your friends, employers, employees, colleagues, and clients.
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